


Night Thoughts [unedited]

by Jammy



Category: Neopets
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Dancing, M/M, Pregnancy, just talking about angsty things, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 20:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10316684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jammy/pseuds/Jammy
Summary: Kanrik takes a short break to stay over at his uncle's estates and help them get ready for the newest addition to their family. But while he's there it seems to be almost impossible for him to catch up on sleep, what's bugging him so much? And why now? Out of all the other times he could've had sleepless nights.





	

**Author's Note:**

> //waves hand around//  
> This. I dunno. What is this?
> 
> Kanrik dancing, checking on babies and having a heart to heart talk with his uncle Nicko are a few of my favorite things to write about. They're very close, since Nickolas has pretty much raised him since he was an infant, it's only natural  
> that they have talks like this whenever they're alone. 
> 
> Actually, now that I think about it...writing about Nickolas having an emotional conversation with /anyone/ is one of my favorite things to write about. I just remembered how much I write about him and Jenner having deep, emotional talks.
> 
> Anyways, I have no idea, this takes place shortly before Bonnie's birth obviously. Enjoy.

It wasn’t often that Kanrik couldn’t fall asleep because he had things on his mind. Usually he would be stressed about orders he’s failed [yet again] to complete, but no, something was keeping him up tonight and he just couldn’t really place what it was. He hated it, of course, it’s different if he wants to stay up at the unholiest hours of the night by running through the shadows of a sleeping town or ducking behind a maze worth of buildings and alleyways that decorated maps of villages. If he wanted to sleep for a change, and couldn’t, then it was when he knew there was something wrong, and of course he’s too prideful to ask for help so now it was time to just suffer in silence. It was a good thing that Mary-Ann had traveled along with him to Nickolas’ mansion; Moonlight Manor, she always knew when the thief was in some sort of internal struggle and she always had a trick up her sleeve to get Kanrik to forget whatever it was that was troubling him. But, well, could she help him if he didn’t know what it was that was bothering him?

 

Here’s to hoping.

 

Mary-Ann asked some of the servants at the mansion to grab an instrument and play something, anything they know, and to Kanrik’s relief it was something upbeat and—traditional. The young albino gelert held her hand out towards Kanrik and the thief didn’t hesitate at all to grab it and spin her around in a perfect circle. It was late in the evening, besides the candles that lit up the dance hall there was also light coming in from the moon high above that gleamed down through the stained glass windows on the mansion’s rooftop. The beat wasn’t fast but it wasn’t too slow either, it was a perfect pace and as they danced Kanrik and Mary-Ann found themselves laughing and smiling through the whole thing. They haven’t danced together like this since they were children, it truly was a nostalgic feeling.

 

Unbeknownst to them as the two were dancing around a tall blonde gelert had heard of the music playing in the dance hall and decided to investigate. The music continued as he walked in and he smiled seeing both his nephew and servant girl were smiling and just enjoying their time together. Unfortunately for him he couldn’t join in on the dance, so he slowly makes his way over to the side where a marble bench was present, one hand on his abdomen and the other grabbing onto the back of the marble seat to slowly lower himself and sit. Even when the second song began to play the cleric just continued to smile, his right hand still resting on his stomach and the other swaying in the air to the beat, he sure missed it when he would listen and dance to this sort of music.

 

Kanrik and Mary-Ann stopped dancing once the thief had purposely made his friend trip during the ‘solo’ dance and she in return jumped towards him in attempt to grab the thief. He was too fast when he spun from her grasp and he can see the look of ‘fuck it’ on her face as she went right into a sprint in his direction. Kanrik was ready though, from dancing his body immediately went into running mode and he tried his best to zig-zag away from Mary-Ann as she desperately reached after him. Both pets stopped in their places once they heard a familiar laugh booming from behind them, turning around finally they caught a glimpse of the blonde cleric who’s now trying to stifle the laughter with his free hand.

 

“I’m not familiar with _**this**_ form of dancing.” Nickolas chuckles and then sighs afterwards, rubbing the top of his stomach with his palm. He sees the look on Kanrik’s face and knew exactly that the rogue was going to tell him that he should be upstairs, resting in his hed but he holds his other hand up before the younger pet could even speak, “I’m fine, Kanrik, really.” Nickolas looks over to the other servants that had stopped their music playing and he urges them with a more sincere smile and a nod, the group all nodded in return and begins to play their instruments again, a much slower shanty this time and the cleric turns his attention to his nephew. “Let’s talk, my son. I’m more concerned about you at the moment since you haven’t been sleeping so much.”

 

“It’s probably just me worrying about work, as usual.” Kanrik mutters looking over at Mary-Ann and quickly thanking her with a grin and a nod of his own, she returns the gesture, turning around so that she can stand off to the side in case either masters needed her aid in anything. Kanrik finally walks over and sits down next to his uncle, leaning against the marble back rest to look at the moon high above them with a tired sigh. “I’m always stressed about work.”

 

“I’m aware, but you told me yourself that the reason why you were able to make it here was because you had finished your most recent orders.” the cleric shakes his head shamefully, a moment of silence rest in between them before he chuckles, grabbing his nephew’s hand to rest it on his stomach, “I think it wants to dance to the music as well, it’s moving so much.” the thief couldn’t help but smile, gently rubbing circles to the large bump as he feels the energetic kicks of his new baby cousin, it did seem like a rowdy child was in there. Kanrik then turns himself a little more so that he was completely facing his uncle, he rests his other hand just on Nickolas’ side, he presses gently and then moves his other hand to his uncle’s lower back nodding in affirmation.

 

“It’s completely turned around, that’s good. Also I think you’re due—like—very, very soon, uncle.”

 

“That’s not a surprise,” Nickolas mutters though the faint smile on his face grows a little brighter, “it feels that I’ve held this baby under my heart for so long. I’m very eager to meet them— _officially_.” he laughs softly and Kanrik laughs along but then immediately gets quiet, the expression on his nephews face was something he has seen before. Fear. Though it wasn’t because of this, he doesn’t think, Nickolas decides to use his Insight—mainly because his nephew doesn’t know what’s wrong and neither does he—when he looks through the rogue’s thoughts he clearly sees a very familiar face in Kanrik’s mind. Looking deeper the uncle finally lets go of Insight, leans back a little more and grabs his nephew’s hands which were unknowingly still on his stomach. “Arlen.”

 

“Yes?” Kanrik finally snaps out from his deep thinking when his uncle grabs his hand but only looked up when his name was called, worried that ‘very soon’ meant ‘right now’ but it didn’t look as so. Nickolas was smiling at him warmly, his eyes were soft and full of understanding which only meant that he had used Insight but… “ _ **Uncle**_.” Kanrik scolds with a frown and Nickolas can’t help but shrug his shoulders and turn his attention over to the band that was still playing just meters away from them, knowing too well that he had been caught, “You’re not supposed to use magic when you’re— ”

 

“I can use Insight without it draining me too much,” he cuts off and he gently squeezes Kanrik’s hands, “Arlen, I understand what it is that has been troubling you and I wish that you don’t loose your sleep over this because you—do have much more to worry about.”

 

“Like a coven of pyromaniac witches, eager to get their orders or burn down a guild trying?” Kanrik asks and Nickolas laughs a little,

 

“No, I meant _this_.” he gestures to his large stomach and the thief laughs along with him, commenting that he’d rather deliver a child every other day then confront a group of angry and impatient costumers. Nickolas was honored or rather—impressed that his nephew was more comfortable about his midwife status then his thieving ‘business’, even though from what he’s heard and witnessed, Kanrik was one of the very best in their realm. Deciding to become a little more serious Nickolas nods his head slowly and begin to bring their conversation to the topic at hand, “You want children.”

 

“Psh, yeah I mean—I always had, weird to say.”

 

“That’s not weird at all child, I had the very same thoughts when I was your age.” the cleric himself got a little silent but he was able to smile through the repressed dark thoughts that threatened to make itself known, he was truly blessed now that he was having a child of his own with the man he loved for so long. “There’s something that’s stopping you, a very concerned thought.” he begins and he can see it in the way that Kanrik keeps his gaze down, pretending to be more concerned in the baby kicking at his palm then his uncle’s words, that he was telling the truth. “Have you spoke to _him_ about having children--?”

 

“I can’t.” the thief blurts immediately shaking his head slowly, knows far too well who exactly he was referring to. “I can’t...I can’t do that to him uncle.”

 

“Do ‘what’ exactly, my son?” Kanrik got silent yet again, he’s trying his best not to answer but it was kind of hard to do so especially since he already knows that Nickolas— _ **knows**_ —just for the sake of communication the cleric is letting him talk. Nickolas already knows his fears, his concern and he probably has a solution of his own but to communicate with him, to make him admit what it is that’s bothering him—that’s something that Kanrik has to do on his own, and of course he feels that he can’t do it.

 

Kanrik feels his throat get tight just at the thought of causing pain to Jenner, someone who he—yes, someone he dearly loves. Love was a very personal thing for Kanrik, though he hates to admit it, his love to his adoptive mother and his uncles. Love for his older sisters, love for this man he admired from afar for so many years and then finally got the pleasure to get close to. The love he has for every child he’s delivered, every mother he’s helped, every thief he’s helped back to their feet after Galem’s death. He wouldn’t say that his heart is on his sleeve but it’s just that love and concern coexist together so closely and the reason why he’s concerned is because it stems out of love. Now that Kanrik is thinking more about it, the more that he’s pondering about his lack of sleep and the reason _why_ he’s losing sleep is coming into view and he feels like it’s so stupid to think about this now. When he’s supposed to be helping his uncles get ready for the newest addition in their family, he feels selfish—mostly stupid—but selfish. “Do not beat yourself up over this, Arlen. But I just want to ask you why it is you’re worried so much about it.”

 

“Uncle, you know what happened to Jenner and his wife. I don’t think I have to explain in detail why I think asking him about children is more terrifying then anything else right now—I mean—for our relationship.” Kanrik sighs in tired aspiration as he continues to slowly rub gentle circles into Nickolas’ large stomach, “Please do not worry about me, you have much more to worry about.”

 

“I’ve already come into terms that this child bringing won’t be easy, and though I am worried about it I’m more concerned why my nephew isn’t sleeping.” the cleric smiles raising his free hand up so that he can try to fix the stray strands of hair on top of the thief’s head, the smaller gelert huffs out a ‘feh’ but doesn’t argue to his uncle fixing his hair. “You usually hide your thoughts away fairly well, and when it starts to bother you this much you decide to resolve it before it gets any worse, but now you won’t?”

 

“I don’t know, I just...” Kanrik whispers finally and then he sighs, yet again, softly resting his head against his uncle’s stomach to feel the baby move just a bit and kick at his cheek. He smiles, but it’s faint and just for an instant. “I love him so much uncle, and I would do anything in Neopia so that we can make a family of our own. But I’m scared that he’ll…get upset, not like—disappointed at the idea or anything more like—depressed. Or hurt...and I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I hurt him. I don’t want to hurt him, I never want to do that to him.” Kanrik chuckles though it sounds faked, “Or, maybe living a life without having children should be next on my list of things I need to start getting used to.”

 

“Arlen.” Nickolas scolded gently as he pats his nephew’s head, though the thief doesn’t bother looking up he knows that his uncle has that hurt expression on his face, the one that he always makes when Kanrik makes a darker sounding ‘joke’. “As much as it hurts us, one shouldn’t give up a dream for someone else. I can see that look of yearning on your face when you watch small ones play, just like your uncle Aridan did when he remarried Dahlia many years ago.” the cleric chuckles not skipping a beat after Kanrik looks up at him with a surprised expression. “Even after losing his wife and child the idea of having a family never left his thoughts, him and Dahlia were excited to marry and have children of their own but of course—this was after Aridan had talked to Dahlia about it after your ‘mother’ was scared herself to talk about it to him.”

 

“Let me guess, they just ‘talked it out’, right?”

 

“It was far more complicated then that, my son. There were awkward moments of course, when Dahlia would point at a small outfit in the marketplace’s window and commented to your uncle Aridan that she’d buy that specific toy or outfit for her own child if she had one. Aridan would be nervous but he would just nod and comment that the item was cute—then proceed to look flustered when Dahlia would purchase said items on the spot. I think it was after seven stuffed toys, three outfits, and two teethers that Aridan had finally gotten the hint and they began to talk about starting a family.” Nickolas sighs, using his hands to re-position himself and Kanrik finally got his head off of his uncle’s stomach so he can help him. The cleric laughs a little more, “Dahlia explained that she understood if he didn’t want to have children, but she also told him it wouldn’t stop her to have her own. And, well, sometimes, hints is just what you need to urge someone into talking. They talked after that, they realized that yes—they both wanted children together, and—well, the rest is history. A confused jumbled mess of history, but history nonetheless.”

 

“Hints I can do, I can leave hints to show him that I want to talk to him.” Kanrik mutters rubbing firm circles into Nickolas’s lower back, where he knew the cleric was sore, and in return the blonde gelert hums out a thank you to his nephew. “But...what happens after the hints? How do I tell him?”

 

“Tell him the truth, tell him that you were anxious to bring it up because you don’t know what his standing point on children is. Having them and the like. Then ask Jenner his opinion, give him encouragement, then you will reach communication. Stay in the same room, sitting down together will ensure that no one leaves in the middle of the discussion and will make him feel more comfortable.” Nickolas smiles and Kanrik smiles back,

 

“Thanks uncle.”

 

“Of course, my child. Of course, keep me informed and--” Nickolas squirms a little in his seat and hisses, “--speaking of comfortable, this child really doesn’t like this bench apparently.” Kanrik laughs a little more, sitting up straighter and wrapping an arm around his uncle’s back and holding his hand so that he can urge him to get up.

 

“Come on uncle, I’ll help you upstairs.” holding his ground enough so that his uncle can urge himself off of the bench the two began to finally leave the dance hall with young Mary-Ann following closer behind them into the long hallway. Kanrik couldn’t help but think more about all of this that was beginning to happen, his uncle and this—this lover of his finally having a child together. He wondered then who’s idea it was, how this all came to be. “Uncle? Was it your idea to have a baby with this friend of yours?”

 

“It was, yes.” Nickolas smiles warmly as he grabs onto the golden gilded railing and slowly walks one step at a time, Kanrik follows closely, still holding onto the cleric’s hand and bring his support up the stairs. “We went over what the risks were...you know, for having a child at our age but I think—and your uncle discovered this a couple of weeks ago—that having his child would make up all that we had lost together.” the cleric shakes his head, laughing a little more because now he was beginning to feel flustered at the thought. “Of course, your uncle Cal had to remind me: we wanted to do this because this was _**our**_ decision, to raise a family together. This is not to make up for the bad events that happened in our past, the past we cannot change, but we can turn ourselves who we want to be. I just felt bad to have made a thought like that in your uncle’s presence but he’s ensured me that during this time, it’s not uncommon to make weird or darker thoughts.” the cleric is all smiles now and a slight blush comes to his pale cheeks, Kanrik can’t help but smile at the purely overjoyed expression that was on his uncle’s face. “Cal has been such a blessing to me, ever since I’ve told him the news he’s done everything to make sure I was comfortable and at ease. He spoils me, you know, I scolded him just last week because he brought me some pound cake—my absolute weakness, and you know what he says? He said that I deserved all the cake from Krawk Island and more…what a silly, silly man.”

 

“I think that just means you two are perfect for each other, uncle.” Kanrik comments with an equally large laugh, “That, and he might be planning on stealing all the cake from bakeries everywhere on Krawk Island for you and the baby.”

 

“Well if that’s the case, then I hope you don’t help your uncle in that sort of dastardly scheme.”

 

“No promises.” Kanrik grins and Nickolas can’t help the laughs that escape from him. As the two of them continue up to the master bedroom, and Kanrik bids Nickolas and Mary-Ann goodnight, he decides to retreat into the very room that his uncle had set up for him ever since he was a child. It was up on the second floor as well, down the hall from where his uncles sleep with a large window-seat for him to gaze out over the sparkling clam ocean waves behind the mansion. For once in a very long while Kanrik opens the window there and as he sits, he lets his feet dangle over the open world and take in the smell of the salty sea night. Kanrik also used this time to think about—well—everything that was happening, and all that he talked about with Nickolas as well.

 

He might be able to get a little bit of sleep tonight because now he has an idea on how to talk to Jenner about these continuous thoughts. Though he cannot stand the idea of closure, because the action itself was something that Kanrik struggled with for many years—he hated confrontation—he hated being in the middle of a discussion, but, he’s been wanting to have a family for so many years and, just like his mother and his uncles, he won’t have any hesitation when the next opportunity to make his family comes over the horizon.

 

Kanrik looks down to see that there was a figure walking up to the giant metal gates on Moonlight Manor’s property, though it takes a moment for the thieve’s keen eyes to adjust to the darkness and get a better look at the visitor he sighs in relief to see that it was just his uncle (?) Cathal, returning from a very late errand. Strange, but, well he might as well get downstairs and see if there was a way he can help the poor man in any way before Nickolas realizes just how late it is for him to be coming back home. Especially since even Kanrik knows that Cathal had promised not to go out hunting until the baby was here and the family had settled down.


End file.
